Changes

     For the past several months I have been wrestling constant exhaustion and persistent feelings of sadness. I had hoped that my time in the States wold be a time of refreshment and preparation for 2015. Instead, I left the States more exhausted, more spiritually and emotionally wrecked than when I came. Several weeks of intense prayer and tearful conversations with those whose counsel I trust have led me to decide that it is time to pursue next steps in my life.
     Effective February 16th, I am stepping down from my responsibilities at MOHI and returning to the States for some spiritual and emotional care. Life in Haiti is unrelentingly harsh and as much as I love it, this isn't the place to be when I'm already struggling. (I want to be very clear about what this is not. This is not about any sort of falling out between myself and MOHI, or the Edmes. I still count them among my dearest friends and have every hope of returning for at least short term visits in the future.)
      Frankly, this is one of the scarier decisions I have ever made. All my life, all I've wanted is to live overseas in a ministry setting. I'm not really sure who I am without those things.To those of you who have been so faithful to join with me in prayer over the last few years of cross-cultural adventures, I ask that you would continue in that. I deeply believe that the MOHI clinic is a work of grace and the Spirit, and that as such, it will continue on. That being said, I'm leaving large chunks of my heart behind, with the clinic, with my friends, with a couple of half-grown teenage boys. My head knows that this is the right decision for me, for now. My heart is having a hard time letting go.

Anse-a-Pitre

         A four and a half hour drive into the mountains yesterday landed us in Anse-a-Pitre, where we held a community clinic. This was our first time in the area, and the people of the community demonstrated their gratitude with hand carved wooden plaques, thank you notes and a sumptuous meal. Their generosity made the bumps, jostles and headaches worth it.
       For obvious reasons, I spend a lot of time thinking about cross-cultural interactions, the ways the different kinds of poverty manifest themselves in different cultures, and the ways in which Westerners in general and American Christians in particular reinforce stereotypes and assumptions that worsen the respective kinds of poverty for both my Haitian and American friends. A repeated example of this is when Americans visit Haiti, are overwhelmed by the material poverty and make the mistake of thinking that because of their material poverty Haitians cannot do things for themselves. Whether it's getting to the clinic, or feeding and dressing their children adequately, we as Americans often assume that because our Haitian friends and acquaintances do not have access to the abundance of material goods that we do, they have less to offer in our cross-cultural relationships.
     The longer I am here, the more vehemently I disagree with those assumptions. I am brought up short again and again by the beauty of my Haitian friends' hospitality. Yesterday was a perfect example. When my American eyes looked at the situation my patients were in, I am tempted to think that because they apparently have so little, they do not have much to offer. That's a false assumption. Yesterday I saw a community working together to seek treatment for their sickest members, young men and women assisting in the organizing and flow of the clinic, pastors advocating for those that needed it. I community in action.
     The longer I live in this country, the more I learn about what generosity and living as brothers and sisters in Christ can look like done well. My Haitian friends have unique gift and talents to bring to the table of Christ that make all of us richer. I was (am) hesitant in posting this, for fear of the myriad ways I could be misunderstood here. This is not a "they're poor, but happy" post. I have spent too much time one on one with patients in the clinic to ascribe to that theory. My friends and patients are acutely aware of the ways in which their material lack makes their lives harder than their Western friends' lives, but that isn't the whole picture. My friends bring something beautiful, rich and deep to the table of Christ and I don't want that overlooked or missed in any way.  I pray that in my time here and abroad as I share about my experiences, in word and in deed, I would learn to do them justice.

Bless Back Clinic

    We have a Bless Back Worldwide medical team working alongside our staff this week, providing patient care and community health teaching. It is always a joy for me to work with our partners at Bless Back towards our shared goal of high quality, dignified healthcare for all of our patients. The first few days in clinic have flowed incredibly smoothly, for which I am exceedingly thankful.

The triage and intake area, where we check patients in and take their vitals.

Becky and Ancitho providing medicine teaching in the pharmacy.

Nurse Matha and Student Nurse Baby checking vitals as patients wait in line to be seen.

It's hard to be still for a length check when there are so many interesting things to grab at.

So thankful for our dental team!

Everyone was charmed when this precious girl spent the day grinning at us. 

     In the midst of clinic weeks like this, with so much going on, I often find myself becoming ultra task-oriented, caught up in completing the next thing that needs to be accomplished, or untangling the latest snafu. It's easy for me to get so harried in managing the administrative tasks of keeping the clinic running that I forget to really see the human beings in front of me. I don't love this fact about myself.

       Yesterday, I ran across the excerpt Prayers for a Privileged People by Walter Brueggemann and it resonated deeply.

"Give us some distance from the noise,
some reserve about the loud success of the day,
that we may remember that our life consists
     not in things we consume
     but in neighbors we embrace."

Let it be to me Lord. Amen.

(Thanks to Melissa Roper from Bless Back Worldwide for the clinic picutres.)

Coming back

        Back to Haiti means back to daily drama and regular reminders to count my blessings. It means back to patients recounting stories of children they've lost and newlywed parents facing the loss of a child. It means daily reminders of all the complicated ways poverty assaults my friends and loved ones.
     Back to Haiti also means a three year old running across the yard, arms flung wide to greet me with a hug. It means MOHI students calling my name, telling me how the haven't seen me in a long time and how much they missed me. It means a 17 month old in our nutrition supplementation program who was fussy and undernourished six months ago toddling around and grinning wide on his follow up visit. It means welcome hugs and the overwhelming beauty of Haitian hospitality.
     In the storm of emotions that was my first week back, the clinic and I received some particular blessings. On Tuesday we were given several tote-size boxes of medications from friends in Gressier. Our whole staff celebrated when we found boxes of medicines we had been running low on!

Nurse Ruth and I were thankful for Liz and Lina's help sorting and inventorying our new supplies.

     As previously mentioned, I also have a beautiful new bedroom and bathroom. Two windows make for a welcome cross breeze and new shelves provide me lots of space for my beloved books and handmade art projects from the kids!

     
      For those who've sent prayers and supportive emails and Facebook message as I've transitioned back, you're the best! I cannot overstate how welcome they were. This cross-cultural life can be intense and your support is a gift. Thank you.
     

     

5 years later

       I got back to Haiti on Thursday, and (no surprise here) it has been a whirlwind. We had our annual leadership conference this weekend and over 500 participants showed up to our guesthouse the first morning for teaching and workshops. Things were beautifully crowded. On a personal note, construction has been completed on my beautiful new room. I hope to get pictures up in the next week.
      Today, however, is not the day for those stories. Today is the fifth anniversary of the earthquake. It is a day for remembering, for prayer and for reflection. It is a day for mourning the brokenness that is still present while shouting the hope the continues breaking forth. Join with us in remembering today. Light a candle, if that's your thing. Take a moment to pray, to reflect, to grieve and to hope. I know I will.

Goodbyes with the preschool

       I got to the clinic a few minutes early this morning, which meant I was able to spend some time with our preschoolers as they gathered in the yard for singing and dancing. The teachers all know I'm leaving tomorrow and wanted to take some pictures, so we huddled together and started clicking away.

It took some coordinating

And some negotiating

But we finally got it. Mostly.

I'm going to miss these precious faces when I'm in the States!

Out with a bang!

      This will be my last week in Haiti for 2014 and I'm going out in a rush of activity. The last several weeks have been a flurry of training for my staff as I prepare to leave the clinic in their hands while I am gone. We have been practicing communication and teamwork as we all figure out how to fit together. I have been training them on our computer charting system and inventory practices, as well as our protocols and individualized patient education expectations. They have done a wonderful job asking questions, practicing flexibility and absorbing an enormous amount of new information in a short amount of time.
       Since I am leaving Saturday, this week is our trial run where my staff begins to operate without me. I wanted them to have a few days where they were working without me hovering, but where I was available for any questions or concerns that arose. Today was our first day and I was pleased with the results. The MOHI clinic has become my baby, but I feel optimistic about leaving it in their capable hands.
      We also have a team from Bless Back Worldwide this week doing well child checks on all of the nearly 800 children in our schools. Somehow a rumor got started among the elementary school that the team is here to give them all shots. Things went more smoothly after we clarified that this was not the case. Along with head to toe check ups and deworming, the team is teaching our students about proper sanitation and the importance of keeping their living environments clean. After the teaching and check ups, each student is receiving a water bottle to carry with them and encourage them to increase their hydration during the day. Hurray hydration!
      Will you join with me in prayer over the next few days? Will you pray for the Bless Back team as they continue to work incredibly hard to see all of our kids? Will you also be praying for my staff in this time of transition- that any questions would be answered, any snafus would be untangled, and any anxiety (mine, for instance) would be soothed? Thank you!