“Turn around
and believe that the good news that we are loved is better than we ever dared
hope, and that to believe in that good news, to live out of it and toward it,
to be in love with that good news, is of all glad things in this world the
gladdest thing of all. Amen, and come Lord Jesus.”
-Frederick
Buechner
I have been sitting in this quote and in Romans
8 this week, remembering the bigger reasons I am in Haiti. Lately I have been
wrestling with culture shock and questions about the next steps for my
life, feeling discouraged and wondering if my time here has been more of a
waste than I care to admit, even to myself. Many (maybe most) days have felt
more like a struggle to get through. The ever present language barrier and the
many, many, many ways that this culture is foreign to how I think have had me
questioning if I can ever learn enough to be a blessing in this country.
Earlier this week I was given the grace of
spending a few days with friends who are rapidly becoming dear to me. (Cheese
and air conditioning were included!) In the course of my conversations with them,
and after reading some quotes from Mother Theresa, I was reminded again of the importance of living in love. Those words
sound and feel so cliché typed out, but I cannot think of another way
to describe what has been happening in my heart.
One of the many beautiful things about Romans
8 is Paul’s discourse on how nothing in all Creation can separate us from the
love of Christ. In the course of conversation this week I was gently reminded
of my own need to live out of that truth and in that security. Even when all I can see are my own failures and shortcomings, when I am entirely insufficient for and overwhelmed by the need in front
of me, I am loved. While, this is not an excuse not to keep giving all I
can, it is a balm to my heart on the days when I question everything I am
doing.
There is another side to what I have been
relearning this week. If I want to imitate Christ (and I do), loving others is the most important thing I can do. Even when I don’t have
anything for their hypertension, or their diabetes and no idea how to help them
get what they need. Even when all I want to do is throw up my hands and hide in
my room because I understand nothing that is going on around me, I can still love. I can love in the middle
of a pressing crowd, when one little boy puts his arms around my waist and
rests his head on my stomach. I can love the little girl who walked all the way
down the beach with me, but who is too shy to actually sit with me. I can love
the woman fighting chronic pain from a lifetime wrestling for daily bread. I
can love.
Friends, will you join me in loving by
continuing to pray for me and these people I care about? Amen, and come
Lord Jesus.
Leah,your very presence there lets them know they are not forgotten and the compassion and frustration they see on your your face when you cannot help them lets them know they are loved. I know that doesn't fill bellies or heal bodies but we're not commanded to fix everything but to be a willing instrument. I don't know where your future leads but believe you are being used there, though perhaps not exactly in the way you anticipated. Praying for you and those you serve.
ReplyDelete