Lord, have mercy

  Things were slow around the house last week. People had food poisoning and the car was in Port Au Prince for a few days, getting major repairs. All this meant that for me last week was a time of learning and research. Every day shows me new things I do not know about navigating this culture, this language, these medical issues, and I am consistently reminded of my capacity for harm or ineffectiveness. It’s humbling and more than a little terrifying.

  I have always been fascinated by how two people can speak the same language, use the same words, and actually communicating two utterly different things. At least, it fascinated me on an intellectual level until I moved to a country where I am daily confronted with the hazards this phenomenon poses, especially coupled with people who are coming from two different cultural backgrounds. When I am trying (through an interpreter) to talk to a sick person, so often my questions make little to them and their answers leave me feeling confused. I understand the words, but I fear I am missing what the people are actually feeling and experiencing. I have much to discover about how the people I am working with think about life, how they view the world working. I love the challenge and opportunity in that, but I also fear the miscommunication that happens while I learn.

 On another level are all medical things that I have yet to learn. My middle class hospital job did not have me treating malaria, typhoid, parasites or malnutrition, so all I have to go off of is my book knowledge. One of the hardest things about being a nurse, for me, is that you have to learn on people. When I was a brand new nurse I lived in a constant state of panic, terrified of the things that could go wrong, that I could miss or do incorrectly and the suffering that could cause another human being. The thing was, in the hospital I had experienced nurses available to talk with me, help me with my patient care, and just get me through each shift. Being down here is like being a brand new nurse all over again, but without someone to lean on. I am so aware of my inexperience, how much I do not know and the potential for that to cause serious harm. I am always afraid I will miss something vital because I do not even know to look for it.

   One of my favorite and most commonly repeated prayers is “Lord, have mercy.” I think I may be learning to just breathe that as I navigate my days here. Lord, have mercy on me, have mercy on those I seek to serve, have mercy on those I seek to live with. Without it, none of us are going to make it. Join with me in praying that I would do no harm as I learn to live in this new culture, with these people? Pray that I would be aware of how much I do not know, unafraid to ask for help, and above all else that I would remain humble and seeking the God who loves these people so much more than I ever can? Thank you friends.